Website Trials For New Sonic Weapon
Uncaring UK websites are considering deploying sonic weapons, outlawed by the US Army, as part of the ongoing fight to remind people to vote and place them higher in the Blog Power Awards. Websites are to arm themselves with sonic guns loaded with the music of Sir Cliff Richard. Deemed inhumane by the UN last year, the guns can reduce a building to rubble in less time that it takes him to sing ‘Summer Holiday’.
During trials last week, the weapon was accidentally discharged into a group of old ladies who were said to have been thrilled by the experience but left them facing steep laundry bills for ruined underwear. Cliff, meanwhile, has said he is horrified by the weaponisation of his life’s work. ‘I was meant to bring joy to people,’ he said. ‘I never thought I’d become a WMD.’
June 9th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
How do sonic weapons work on deaf old farts? Maybe Dad’s Army is the best way to go?
June 10th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
You’re clearly a man who has never experienced Cliff Richard played at high decibel levels.
Cliff happens to have the same resonant frequency as human bone. You don’t hear him as much as feel him. Turn him too loud and you can damage your hips, which is why many older folks need to have them made of titanium. It’s an odd fact but completely true and another reason why people should vote for in the award.