Not happy with being the world’s most powerful celebrity, talk show host Oprah Winfrey is set to take her career to the next stage by launched her own army. Yet using a fraction of her immense fortune to create the third largest military force in the world has been the smallest of her problems. ‘I’ve been more bothered about getting enough throw pillows to make the inside of the tanks comfortable,’ she admitted to readers of her magazine this week.

Oprah’s plans have already started a race to catch up with her among Hollywood’s super rich and critics of her plans have already expressed concern that celebrities will take the law into their own hands. They warn of the dangers of box office rivalries becoming a full scale armed conflict.

Oprah remains defiant, however, and insists that she’s doing the right thing. ‘We celebrities drive the news, give our friends and relatives the best jobs and all the opportunities. The only thing we’ve left to the average people do is to fight our wars for us. Now, with Oprah’s War Club, things are going to change. My army will be use primarily for peaceful purposes and each week, I’ll give my viewers a chance to ring in and choose a trouble spot somewhere in the world. My army will immediately deploy go over there and sort it out.’

In the UK, Richard & Judy have already promised a response. ‘They successfully copied Oprah’s book club and now they’ll try to do the same again,’ admitted a producer on the show. ‘Richard is particularly excited by the prospect of invading Belgium over the summer.’

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