Mel H: ‘My body knows best’

Spice Girl, Gerry H was shocked when her morning bowl movement came an hour later than normal. ‘It was totally unexpected,’ said the singing sensation who is promoting her new album around the UK this week. ‘I usually take the paper to the bathroom at eleven, but it was lunchtime before I felt the need to do the crossword.’

This isn’t the first time her bowel movement has been late. Only last month, she had to use a public lavatory when she found herself caught short during a recording session. She claims that it hasn’t altered her attitude towards her usual routines. ‘I’m not one of those people who would have a surgical operation just to fix this problem,’ she said. ‘I believe that my body knows best.’

Cleese Enjoys A Novel Fawlty Experience

John Cleese claims that a recent holiday didn’t at all remind him of the role that made him famous. Holidaying in the South of England, he stayed at a hotel where he received impeccable service. ‘It was so unlike Fawlty Towers,’ says the 6’ 5” comedian who is promoting the launch of his new novel across the UK this week. ‘When the manage greeted me at the front desk, he looked absolutely nothing like Basil.’ Cleese endured a week’s stay at the hotel which he says was ‘comfortable and the people very pleasant’ but it is unsurprising that he paid special attention to the waiters. ‘There was one Spanish waiter but he knew exactly what he was doing,’ said Cleese.

Gary Barlow: ‘Critics don’t understand a thing’

Gary Barlow has hit out at critics who have mocked his recent support for the letter ‘W’. The Take That star, who is promoting his latest album across the UK this week, declared that he thought ‘W’ was the ‘best letter in the whole ruddy alphabet’. It’s a claim he says that he stands by. ‘I don’t see who these people are who criticise me, just because I prefer the letter “W”,’ he said. ‘Would they have reacted as angrily if I’d have chosen the letter “P” or “V”? I don’t think so. These critics don’t understand a thing.’

More news from the publicists as and when they email me this junk.

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