Man Found With Male Hormones in his System.
This year’s winner of the Tour de France was forced to parade around the streets of Paris, Thursday, dressed in a revealing little number sure to excite all hot-blooded Frenchman across this most cosmopolitan of cities. The event was organised by the Phonak race team after their lead rider, Floyd Landis, tested positive for the male sex hormone, testosterone. ‘If there’s a single drop of male hormone in his body, we’ll be sure to get rid of it,’ said team manager, Colonel Robert F. Dublin. ‘We’ll be working him until evening and then we’re send him off with a ticket to a Barry Manilow concert. By the third chorus of Club Tropicana, those hormones won’t know what hit them.’
The news that their most famous male athlete is full of male hormones has rocked Landis’ home town in rural Pennsylvania. ‘It must be something he ate,’ said local pig farmer, Walter. H. Spearmint III Jnr. ‘He done gone and ingested some of these here “hormones  and now they’re saying he’s a man! Well that just plumb wrong, and as a farmer, I should know! I feed male hormones to our sows every day. Now can you really tell me they’re still not every inch the beautiful ladies that me and my brother went and married last year?’
It is thought that dozens of other sports are awaiting the result of Landis’ appeal, with any ruling likely to impact upon other athletes who have been tempted to dope themselves with testosterone in order to gain advantages in the areas of increased laziness, a tendency to spend the afternoon in the pub, proactive scratching and sniffing, and a wider appreciation of the art of the burp; characteristics that some say have characterised the women’s tennis tour for the past three seasons.
