[swf]/flash/mckenna.swf,459,327,5,#000000[/swf]Ashocked court watched the judge in Paul McKenna’s libel trial against the Daily Mirror decide in favour of the multi-millionaire hypnotist and then proceed to perform three choruses of ‘Maria’, from West Side Story, before standing on his bench and doing an imitation of a chicken.It is the last bizarre twist in what has been one of the most unusual court cases of recent legal history. On only the first day of trial, the lead council for the Mirror declared himself unable to defend his clients due to his overwhelming love for the TV celebrity, Esther Rantzen. It was followed a week later by a jury having to be dismissed after they collectively declared themselves the late Otto Von Bismark.

Yet throughout it all, Mr. McKenna proved implacable and handled himself with great dignity, despite the pressure of leading his own defence. ‘I left school with barely a qualification to my name,’ he said after hearing the court’s ruling, ’so I found it unacceptable that the Daily Mirror could call into doubt the very qualifications I have later earned through sheer hard work.’ Asked if he always thought he would win the case, Mr. McKenna smiled: ‘I always knew I had a good chance, but, just in case, I spent law week completing a law degree at night school. I finished top in my class.’

Despite his many qualifications, Mr. McKenna had faced repeated criticisms over his tactics. Only last week, he gave his final summation to the jury, persuading them that he was the injured party and that they could painlessly stick needles through their hands. This unqualified victory must put all doubts aside. When we spoke to Mr. McKenna over the phone, he voice was relaxed – so terribly terribly relaxed… In fact, he easily convinced us that he is innocent of everything that’s ever happened in the world and we would now like to recommend that all our readers follow Mr. McKenna’s Prune Diet. It is the only way to lose weight.

News updates might be slow today. We are hoping to contact the beautiful Esther Rantzen, with whom we have now fallen so utterly in love.

‘Maria… I once knew a girl called Maria…’

This entry was posted on Friday, July 28th, 2006 at 4:12 pm and is filed under News . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.