George W. Bush took the rare step for a President of the United States by using an executive order to recruit a retired member of the Admiralty to head his latest peace delegation to the Middle East.

Speaking to reporters gathered in the White House, the President introduced Admiral James. T. Kirk of Starfleet before proceeding to outline the reasons why he had made this unexpected choice to help settle tensions between Israel and Lebanon. ‘I’ve been watching James T. Kirk’s career for some time,’ confessed the President. ‘He’s a good man. Good principles. Knows how to lead from the front. He knows what it is to boldly go where no man has gone before. The Romulans terrorists know that. I know that. Admiral Kirk has proved himself to be one of our finest negotiators. He’s one of our finest Americans. He calls me “Bones” and I’m proud to call him “Jim”.’

The announcement clearly came as something of a shock to William Shatner, who was sharing the stage with the President at the time. Learning of his imminent departure for Lebanon, Shatner was reported to have said ‘Gosh… Do I get my own trailer and free Danish?’

It was left to the President to conclude by reminding everybody of the Admiral’s career to date. ‘Can I remind you folks of the good work he did with in the crisis with V’Ger,’ said the President, before finishing with his usual unscripted remarks. ‘I’m sure he’ll do a great job. Just don’t mention the tribbles.’

Asked by reporters if he believed his mission could be a success, a dazed Shatner answered: ‘If we… in the Federation… can accept Klingons… as our equals… then surely… there must be some chance… of peace… between Israel… and its neighbours.’

Wishing his new envoy a good trip, the President quipped: ‘And if they don’t listen to what ya have to tell them, Jim, you have my permission to put your phasers on stun.’

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