Rare Mutation Strikes M.P.
The world of British politics was left stunned, Saturday, as Jeremy Corbyn, the ever-popular M.P. for Islington North, revealed that he has been struck down by a rare genetic mutation. ‘Out of shame, I’ve tried to keep this news out of the public domain for too long,’ he said in a statement from his London home, ‘but now it has come to the point where I can no longer deny what has happened. I have to admit, proudly, and without a single shred of shame attached, that I’ve grown an extra head.’
Experts studying the mutation have explained that these changes usually occur in order to help an organism function more effectively. ‘It would appear,’ said Professor Lewis R. Fellows of the University of Oxford, ‘that Mr. Corbyn has developed an extra head to help him talk out of his posterior. It really is quite unique and a previously unheard of development in human genetics.’
Speaking later in the day from his weekly surgery in Islington, Mr. Corbyn described how the affliction has changed his daily routines. ‘It’s making me more irritable,’ he admitted. ‘Sitting down can also be quite painful as my other head refuses to shut up. Sometimes I can’t get a moment’s peace…’ At which point, the head said: ‘Peace? Peace? I’ll tell you about peace. There can’t be peace until America and Britain…’ An apologetic Mr. Corbyn quickly muffled the outburst with a cushion. ‘It’s like this all day,’ he said. ‘I try to stay on my feet, which is why I’m always on the news. Whenever an interview comes up with the BBC and Sky News, my other head is always ready with a soundbite. I suppose it’s quite refreshing and it does take my mind off my other problems. I’m just surprised nobody has noticed the extra head before now. It’s already done at least a dozen pieces to camera on the BBC.’
Released from the pillow, the newly grown head revealed that it shares Mr. Corbyn’s famous sense of humour. ‘I know we’ll become the butt of some jokes,’ it chuckled, ‘but at least the next time he’s accused of talking out of his arse, he’ll have a medical certificate to prove that it can’t be helped.’
August 6th, 2006 at 11:19 am
LOL! Oh that just cracked me up!
I suspect if we look carefullly we’ll find there are plenty of others covering up signs of this rare genetic mutation. In fact, some are covering it up so well, that the drivel is forced to sprout from the head on the shoulders.
August 6th, 2006 at 11:32 am
Damn, you might be right! Some kind of genetic mutation, spreading thorough the land, and being hidden from us. It’s like some kind of Michael Crighton novel but with longer sentences. I think the nation should be put on alert.