One of the most significant events of the last week has passed by with remarkably little comment. In one of the most important policy decisions of the Blair years, the government has awarded a CBE to Jonathan Ive, the man behind Apple’s iconic iPod and iMac.

‘The popularity of the iPod convinced us that it was time to rebrand our thinking about the Middle East,’ explained Sir Wilfred Sands, design consultant to the Foreign Office’s stationary department. From now on, iRaq and iRan will be rebranded throughout all offical government documents, maps, charts, and visas. ‘We feel it makes them seem much more comfortable,’ Sands went on to argue, whilst polishing the new transparent plastic plate they hope to erect outside the iRanian embassy. ‘You know, this is the sort of thing that makes you think: hey, this is the sort of nation you don’t mind taking to the negotiating table.’

Despite this news, rumours that the next version of the Apple Mac is to be powered by plutonium have so far proved groundless, though this has not prevented Intel from announcing that it refuses to rule out all options in the future.

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