The BBC look to incur the wrath of the tabloids with the latest announcement from their Light Entertainment Department. Producers of Strictly Come Dancing have decided to radically change things for the next series by incorporating the UK’s fastest growing type of dancing: pole dancing. ‘Well, my loves, it’s what the punters like,’ said Bruce Forsyth, demonstrating his moves in a strip joint in London’s Soho. In front of watching journalists, Brucie shouted ‘Nice to see you!’ before flipping himself upsidedown and showing everybody one of his trademark ‘Brucie bonuses’.

Strictly Pole Dancing will see the ninety seven year old entertainer gyrate against a pole for only the second time in his seventy-two years in showbiz. ‘It takes me right back to when I was starting out on the Generation Game, it really does,’ he explained. ‘You see, my loves, pole dancing is a bit like dancing with the lovely Anthea Redfen, it really is. Weren’t her frocks lovely? They really were, but she was a bit of a stick…’

Asked if he enjoyed trying out the latest dance craze, Bruce admitted it wasn’t his favourite. ‘I’m still a bit old fashioned, I really am. You see I’m a foxtrot man. Rubbing myself up against a pole might sound like a lot of fun, but it doesn’t half make my g-string ride up. And let me tell you ladies, when you’re my age, it might ride up but you’re not sure when it’s going to come back down again.’

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