The Prime Minister has decided that former PM Margaret Thatcher would not receive a state funeral, but his office could not rule out the possibility that the honour might be permitted for other ministers and former ministers. ‘We’d quite like to arrange one for a certain Chancellor,’ admitted a spokesman. Meanwhile, Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has admitted that as far as his own death is concerned, his funeral plans are straightforward. ‘I’m having myself a pyramid,’ he explained, ‘and I intend to be buried with a hundred civil servants who will serve me in the afterlife.’ He went on: ‘I have some big plans for the afterlife insofar as I’ve heard all about these here, ‘Elysian Fields’, which I intend to use for low cost housing for the working class cherubim.’

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