Noel Edmonds’s ‘No Deal’ Phone Tapped
The News of the World phonetapping scandal continues to grow, with the release of a tape purporting to be of Noel Edmonds speaking to the ‘banker’ during the recording of his hit show, Deal Or No Deal.
‘We didn’t believe it when we got the tape,’ said our anonymous source inside the rival tabloid newspaper currently sitting on the scoop. ‘We thought it was a joke because there wasn’t actually a banker on the other end of the phone. It was just some bored production assistant and Noel was just making stuff up, as though he was in some high powered business negotiation.’
The revelation that the ‘banker’ may not exist is sure to excite conspiracy theorists who have spent the last year on the internet exchanging what are obviously crazy theories about the show. ‘It’s all bloody random!’ screamed one such unbalanced individual, speaking to The Spine. ‘There’s no skill involved. Ruddy monkeys could be trained to play that game, only Noel wouldn’t be able to persuade monkeys to ring up a quiz line, at a pound a pop, to answer some dumb question in the ridiculously unlikely chance that they’d win. The whole show is predicated on people’s greed and stupidity, and what is saddest of all is that the people it milks for these small donations are the very people who can afford to lose it the least.’ The madman’s totally indefensible rant went on: ‘The government is rightly criticised for wanting to put casinos in areas of high social deprivation, yet TV shows routinely take people’s money with these horrible little schemes involving high rate telephone lines and extremely long odds.’
