Paris Hilton, the property heiress, novelist, highboard champion, and recently voted, by the Society for the Blind, the most beautiful woman in the world, had to be sedated on Saturday, after her pet honey bear savagely mauled her. The bear, known to schoolchildren everywhere as the Honey Monster, had become a firm favourite with celebrities and a regular face at society parties. Ms. Hilton (47) recently adopted the eight foot high creature declaring it the perfect pet for her spacious twenty-two acre penthouse. The police have yet to discover a motive for the attack, though it is believed that Ms. Hilton has recently suggested that the bear lose a little weight and had threatened to cut sugar from its diet.

After the attack, the Honey Monster was rushed to the local hospital where it was given tetanus shots. It is said to be a comfortable and plans to resume work next week. Speaking through its agent, the Honey Monster declared: ‘I want to thank my fans everywhere for their support at this difficult time. In the meanwhile, I’d like to recommend that my good friend, Christopher Biggins, take my place as official “friend to the stars”.’ Lawyers for Ms. Hilton assure us that she is not after a replacement. ‘Paris has had it with all of them,’ they said. ‘The last thing we want is for this to happen again. Paris is lucky to have gotten away with a few scratches, but we hate to think what would happen if Christopher Biggins ever went on the rampage.’

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