Vigilant watchdogs finally caught up with Tom & Jerry, late Monday night. In a shootout at a seedy motel in Los Angeles’ red light district, one of the two outlaws was mown down in a hail of bullets whilst the other gave himself up after a nine hour hostage situation involving a cute yellow canary. ‘We’ve been after these two for a while,’ said Sheriff Mildrew F. Whitehouse III who led the pursuit that finally brought an end to the duo’s seventy year crime spree. ‘They’ve been leading our children astray with their antics for decades and I’m glad that I could finally put at least one of the them six feet under God’s good ground in a matchbox.’ It is thought that they have proved so elusive because they have been impervious to damage, but the specially selected assault team went in without any heart or senses of humour. They were also armed with anti-cartoon bullets used last year in the killing of Count Duckula.Criticism of Tom & Jerry came to a head last year when, in two separate incidents, a six year old child swallowed an anvil and a twenty seven year old accountant plugged his cat’s tail into a plug socket for ‘comic effect’.

It is now believed that now the world is rid of bad examples the human race will be able to dispose of its free will. Speaking for the first time of how the pair terrorised her house, Mrs. Gina Eric Housewife said, ‘I thought it was that there Jerry causing all the mischief, but that cat was no good either, stealing all my food.’ Mrs. Housewife says that she hopes to spend less time standing on a stool in her kitchen.

The trial of Tom is due to start next week. Jerry left no family.

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