The World’s oldest man has revealed the secret of his longevity: animatronics. Speaking about his cybergenic implants for the first time, Tom Jones (143) admitted that ‘it’s not unusual have some automation da na na na na naaah’, though he admits that he finds it harder to get dates willing to put up with his constant emissions of steam. ‘I had my first implant at the suggestion of Walt Disney,’ explained Tom. ‘It was the heady days of the 1950s and we thought we could do anything with electronics, so one day, me and Walt went down to the Strip. He had a motorised eardrum installed and I had my first steam powered flange. I’ve not looked back since…’

It has been calculated that Tom has sung What’s New Pussycat nearly two point three million times since he first recorded it in 1928, which astonishes even a man with a voice box built by the machine shop at Rolls Royce. ‘When you think about it, I could have sang it live and in person to every person in Wales,’ said Tom. Asked what his plans are for the next one hundred and forty three years are, Tom confessed: ‘I’ve got my eye on doing a duet with a bilge pump but it all depends on scheduling arrangements with Charlotte Church’s agent.’

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