Paramount Studio’s relationship with Tom Cruise turned acrimonious today, as the studio declared that it would no longer pamper the superstar’s ego. In the first move of what is expected to be a difficult separation, the studio has refused to allow Cruise to use its post-production special effects facilities to disguise his real height. For the first time in his career, the actor is now appearing in public at his real height of three feet eight inches. ‘I guess it’s going to be a hard lesson for him,’ admitted a studio insider. ‘Tom’s been embarrassed by his height for years and has even lobbied the government to change the legal definition of midget so that he isn’t included.’ Critics, however, are already betting that Cruise will bounce back. ‘I’ve got a bet on a remake of National Velvet,’ said Barry Norman, ‘with Tom in the Mickey Rooney role.’

In the meantime, Cruise’s next Mission Impossible film will not be financed by Paramount and it is believed that scriptwriters are already hard at work thinking of a plot that explains the actor’s apparent shrinkage. ‘We’re thinking cold weather,’ said William Goldman, famous script guru. ‘Maybe a shrink ray is involved somewhere…’ Alternative plans involve shooting whole films with midgets and props at a third real size. ‘It dailies would sound a little bit like the munchkin village in The Wizard of Oz,’ said an expert, ‘but they can slow down the audio and make those high pitched voices would sound normal.’

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006 at 5:47 pm and is filed under News . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.