Thursday’s London Times is reporting that The International Astronomical Union has decided to upgrade John Prescott to planetary status. This comes only hours later than they downgraded Pluto to an asteroid. According to scientists, the classification of planet should be restricted to any ‘celestial body that is in orbit around the Sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a … nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit’. By this criteria, John Prescott is a planet.So far, the government has refused to rule out any exploration of Planet Prescott, despite claims that it might be the source of strange forms of life, including a type of croquette-playing socialist and an unusual creature whose sexual hierarchy means that the uglier and more obese a creature is, the more likely they are to attract a mate.

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