Opthamologists have been warned to look out for increased cases of cataracts and other serious eye complaints in the coming year after a 56 year old woman in Westminster went blind after catching a glimpse of a smiling Gordon Brown without the adequate protection. Speaking to the Better Eyesight convention in Leeds, eye expert Dr. Morris McManners warned that such cases will become more numerous. ‘We’ve been lucky that Gordon Brown has rarely been seen smiling, so the damage has been minimal, but should he get into Number 10, who knows how many people will lose their eyesight,’ he said, before screaming: ‘We have to be vigilant, people!’ It has been long rumoured that Gordon Brown’s teeth were whitened by experts at a top secret weapon’s testing base in Colchester using the same technology that goes into improving the efficiency of military lasers.

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