Prize Carrots Reveal Ozzie’s Softer Side
More proof that rockstars mellow with age emerged on Wednesday when Ozzy Osbourne’s prize-winning carrots won first prize at the Hertford Country Fair. The victory was not without its controversy, however, when local vegetable grower, Mr. Reg Picket (67), lodged a formal complaint with event organizers. ‘It’s not right to allow these celebrities to come along and use their great wealth and contacts to win these prizes,’ said the disgruntled gardener. ‘I’ve had about all I can endure of that family,’ he continued. ‘I’ve had to watch that talentless son of his get his own series where he did nothing but go and have fun on free adventure holidays. Then I’ve had to endure the self-harm I inflicted on myself to get through his daughter’s music career. Then there’s his ruddy wife, who’s hardly ever off the TV, taking every job offered up to her. I now have to travel 10 miles to my local supermarket since I refuse to go to ASDA since they gave her a job. And now he’s come along and ruined my love of carrots. Makes me cry, it does… Suppose I’ll have to start growing onions instead.’
Meanwhile, Ozzie was reveling in his newest success, citing ‘good manure’ as the key to his victory. ‘A good carrot is just like a well crafted lyric,’ explained the Black Sabbath singer who celebrated his sixty ninth birthday on Saturday. He laughed off Mr. Picket’s complaint. ‘These youngsters don’t have respect,’ he said. ‘They are just bitter losers while I’m King of the f****** Carrots!’
