Before Casino Royale has even reached cinema screens, producers of the next James Bond film have taken the unusual step of announcing the casting of its lead villain. It is reported in British film trade magazines that actor and highly-respected writer, Alan Bennett, has already filmed a dozen scenes at a top secret closed set at Pinewood. The writers have been keen to keep the plot of the movie a secret, but it thought to involve a scheme to destroy the world by a crazed commemorative pottery magnet from Yorkshire called ‘Rich T’. Bennett has written many of his lines himself, and, somewhat self-referentially, has given his evil genius a tireless dedication to the memory of the late Thora Hird. The film, provisionally titled ‘The Hand Grenade Under the Settee’, should be at cinemas late next year. ‘Do you expect me to talk, Rich T?’ ‘No Mr. Bond, I expect you finish your chocolate hobnob before you tell me all about Mrs. Prothero’s trouble with the new family that’s moved into number 27.’

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