The shortage of doctors in the Health Service may soon be a thing of the past if radical new plans are introduced that will force the NHS to follow the same standards and practices as journalism. ‘The only reason we don’t have enough doctors is that we’re a bit too picky about who we allow in,’ said an administrator at one leading London hospital. ‘What’s great about this new scheme is that the government will allow anybody to become a doctor so long as they “know somebody in the business”‘.

The news comes as Peaches Geldof landed a job reporting on Tonight With Trevor McDonald in the face of stiff competition from countless other teenagers who have recently passed their media studies A level and who would have loved the chance to work on ITV’s premiere news programme. ‘Yes, that’s true,’ admitted a source on the show, ‘but we didn’t have time to find one of those teenagers and, by using this selection process, at least the vacancy was filled very quickly’. Only yesterday, the Camilla Al Fayed, daughter of Harrod’s boss, Mohamed Al Fayed, landed a job as fashion expert on GMTV despite it being her very first TV presenting role. GMTV have denied an earlier report suggesting that they have hired all the highest points in the land from which TV executives can now stand whilst they urinate on the hopes of all the unknowns working hard to break into the business.

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