Jeremy Clarkson Test Drives New Alfa Romeo Around The Shire
The makers of Top Gear have always prided themselves on taking new cars to exotic locations for test drives but for the next series, the production team have traveled even further afield as Jeremy Clarkson visited Middle Earth to test drive the new Alfa Romeo through the tight bends and narrow lanes of The Shire. Said Clarkson: ‘They may have rebuilt The Shire but they really needed some British Engineers to teach them how to use tarmac. As all those rustic lanes played hell with the Alfa’s suspension, but when I accidentally clipped a couple of hobbits, a nice turn of pace out of the Alfa’s V6 helped me escape the angry mob high to their hairy gills on Old Toby’s.’
Meanwhile, James May was less complimentary about the Alfa. ‘Any car that makes the locals think you’re one of Sauron’s Black Riders can’t be all good,’ he said. Richard Hammond was unavailable for comment as he’s still driving a Nissan Micra towards Mount Doom where he hopes to deposit a Ring of Power. ‘We’ve equipped him with teeth specially whitened by the Grey Elves to help him get through Shelob’s Lair,’ quipped Clarkson.
September 17th, 2006 at 10:46 pm
Hammond was probably somewhere trying to get out of the baby seats that all short people in cars have to sit in from now on!
September 18th, 2006 at 8:04 am
I can see Jeremy Clarkson matching up to Gandalf when the finally go head to head. Clipping a few hobbits is not something Mr Gandalf is likely to take kindly too. Perhaps young Jeremy should have had Gollum as a navigator.
September 18th, 2006 at 11:40 am
Eliza, I knew there was a story I forgot to post. I’ll have to see if I can hunt out a picture.
I think Clarkson could do the Sauron role, Atyllah. You know… the man who brought ruin to the Shire when he mechanised everything? A dark wizard crossed with Isambard Kingdom Brunel.
September 19th, 2006 at 6:40 am
Scary, David, very, very scary.