The Liberal Democrats today backed moves to make the party more representative of Britain’s squirrel population in the 21st century. The ‘Diversity and Equality’ policy motion aims to improve the representation of both red and grey squirrels and candidates from squirrel minorities. This will be given the same priority for the party as the introduction of proportional representation, compulsory clog dancing for young offenders, and turning East Kent over to the production of free range lentils.

President of the Liberal Democrats Simon Hughes MP said:

‘Squirrel diversity and squirrel equality are absolutely not about political correctness. This is about political engagement and political involvement with squirrels.’ He went on: ‘The road to achieving maximum equality and diversity for the squirrels of Britain depends as much on hearts and minds, attitudes and actions, nuts and berries, as it does on our admiring a well bushy tail. From now on, Liberal Democrats will make squirrel equality and diversity a political priority.’ He closed his conference speech to rousing applause as he promised: ‘At the next election, every Liberal Democrat candidate will carry a pocket of nuts on the hustings, and when people think of the Liberal Democrats in the future, they’ll think of us as a party built around promoting nuts. And for this reason alone, I nominate myself for promotion to Party Leader and I would like to make my little friend, Squeak, my deputy.’

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