Channel 5 issued an apology, late Friday night, when viewers were left distraught after The All Star Talent Show included a barefoot Lib Dem frontbench spokesman for Wales and Northern Ireland singing I’m Your Hoochie Coochie Man while wearing a pair of dungarees and sitting of a bale of hay. Lembit Opik later refused to issue an apology of his own for his ‘country and western’ moment and instead blamed his poor performance on a mix up of bags after the recent Lib Dem conference, which led to his accidentally ingesting some of Sir Menzies Campbell’s ‘vitality’ tablets before the show.

‘I don’t know what I was doing, I just couldn’t stop myself,’ he confessed. ‘People thought I was playing the harmonica but it was actually a set of Sir Menzies dentures that just happen to be tuned to the key of G. And then when I started to blow through them, I must have dislodged a piece of Dundee cake trapped between the incisors. It shot out and hit a poor woman sitting in the front row… I’d like to apolgise to her too. What else can I say? The whole thing has just been a terrible ordeal and I’d like to forget it as quickly as possible.’

In related news, a speech by Sir Menzies Campbell to party officials was cut short, tonight, when it unexpectedly turned into a harmonica solo. Sir Menzies later laughed the incident away and claimed that the Hohner Marine Band Harmonica the ‘best set of gnashers I’ve ever owned’.

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