Conference Watch: Tony Robinson Admits ‘I’m really Hazel Blears’
The Labour Party conference began on Sunday with a shock announcement, when long-time party activist, Tony Robinson, admitted to a packed congress that he has been playing the part of Party chair, Hazel Blears, for the last decade. ‘I knew I’d never get high up in the party with my background in light entertainment, so I created this alter ego who has done rather well,’ he confessed. ‘I know the party is strong enough to forgive me, and I am only glad I can now put this charade behind me and get on with the job of winning the next election with my many cunning plans involving strangely shaped vegetables…’
Suspicions were first raised when Hazel Blears hosted three editions of Time Team last year, a lapse which Mr. Robinson puts down to a ‘hectic schedule’. ‘I simply forgot to change out of my costume,’ he said, but added, ‘the strange thing is that I got much more work out of the guys when I was dressed as Hazel.’
It is thought that this explains how the team managed to unearth a twelve acre Roman fortress and then rebuild it in only three days. Conversely, it also explains the Labour Party’s recent motion to introduce compulsory flint napping in all schools. Said archaeologist Phil Hardy, who is attending the conference, ‘I’ve not seen policies like these since the late Neolithic.’
