Boris Johnson was detained outside the Tory Party conference in Bournemouth, yesterday, after police spotted him waving a twenty-two inch Hungarian sausage and wearing a meat hat. He was stopped under new police powers that make it a crime to distribute, own, or desire saturated fats within three miles of a child. Said Johnson: ‘I stand by my sausage. Simple as that. What’s this country come to when a man can’t publicly display his love for home grown ham, fine British beef, and the odd ravishing rasher of the guys with the curly whirly tails?’

This is the latest episode in Mr. Johnson’s increasingly outspoken campaign against the health plans of Government food czar, Jamie Oliver. ‘You can’t force tofu on an Englishman,’ cried Johnson as he and his meat were led away for questioning. His last words before being forced into the back of the police van were: ‘Meat and potato pies until I die!’ and ‘Free the salami seven!’

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