Fans of Harry Potter have been queuing all day in London for a lead role in the next film version of the immensely popular books. In a radical departure from the plot of Rowling’s book, the film will attempt to inject a note of realism into the film with the introduction of a new professor, who, along with being a master of the Dark Arts, is also a registered sex offender hired by the Ministry of Witchcraft and Wizardry but only after close scrutiny and a series of strong warding spells had been placed upon him. It’s as yet unclear if Harry will have any run-ins with the teacher and even as the casting process has yet to be complete, there is already talk that the filmmakers might cut the character from the film.

‘The Harry Potter films are bywords for imagination and the suspicion of disbelief,’ said one producer, ‘but we have to draw a line somewhere. I believe the screenwriter was relying on the Wild Turkey a bit too heavily when he came up with this totally ridiculous idea.’

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