Reports have finally emerged revealing how Prince Philip made the most of his recent tour of Iraq by taking time to capture the nearby Iranian border town of Ilam. After leading a cavalry charge of a thousand horses and camels, the Prince rode into the town and immediately legalised fox hunting.

In what has been seen as one of the most controversial tour of recent years, the Prince also admitted that he’d been heavily influence by T.E. Lawrence after reading Seven Pillars of Wisdom. Speaking of the delicate balance of power in the region, the Prince was heard to diplomatically admit: ‘Everybody knows that all this bloody trouble’s coming out of Iran, so I’m bloody well going in there and I’ll sort the blighters out. And don’t think I bloody won’t! This is nothing compared with the bloody trouble I’ve had with that bloody Fergie stealing all my bloody meat pies!’

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