On the day that Heather Mills McCartney announced that she intends to sue the national newspapers for defamation of character, there is better news for the wife of former Beatle. Heather has been voted ‘The World’s Most Loved, Treasured, and Worshipped Personality’ by readers of some of the country’s most popular websites. Said celebrity watcher, Horace Twiss: ‘Heather deserves this award for what she’s had to go through in the last few months. I’m so glad she’s won it. Celebrities these days have forgotten what it means to be humble, polite, well balanced, and just… well… gosh it all to darnery… just so bloody marvellous! Heather is all of those things and more. People obviously felt driven to vote for her and offer her their support at this most difficult time. They clearly just wanted to say: Heather, we love you darling!’

The award is often seen as a measure of popularity and of moral goodness, and by the high standards set by Mrs. McCartney this year, some are already saying it is impossible to see how she can’t fail to win it in twelve months time. Said one internet watcher: ‘There has been a hate campaign directed towards her in some sections of the media, but at least the internet is alive with love for her. We know the truth and the truth is that she’s one of the nicest people you could ever meet.’

Meanwhile, Paul McCartney continues to do himself no favours by winning an award for being ‘The World’s Least Liked Personality’. Though he wasn’t present to pick up the statuette in Los Angeles, he did send along his friend Ozzie Osbourne who, in the name of the ex-Beatle, read a speech before biting the head of a cute puppy. [Editor: Though totally unrelated to the story, we thought we better point out that it would appear that Mr. McCartney is not intending to sue newspapers at this time since, for some strange reason, they seem to be taking his side in the ongoing divorce.]

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