Multi-millionaire plastic-breasted soft-porn icon, mother, author, role-model, and self-styled Middle East state, Jordan, has launched her own range of underwear aimed at women who want something ‘naughtier for the bedroom’. At the launch of the range of knickers at her own laboratory complex in East London, Jordan explained how ‘my thongs are so small you can’t seen them with the human eye.’ Women who have already tried out the knickers have claimed that they are so comfortable they didn’t know they were wearing them, yet, measuring only fourteen nanometers in length, they are still roomy enough for models working in today’s fashion industry.

This is the latest in what has become a series of celebrity-endorsed knickers to hit the market. Willie Nelson’s W-Strings were so popular last year, with each thong made from hair plucked from Willie’s ponytail, Kenny Rogers hopes to tap this year’s lucrative Christmas market for clean underwear by promoting his own line of y-fronts designed for the the fuller prairie loving figure. Expected to outsell them all, however, are Jack Black’s ‘Cracker Jacks’ which use the latest fibre technology to announce in a loud voice when ‘you need to change your crackers, dude!’

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