Looking to lose its reputation as a club whose success has been built on the money of a Russian billionaire, Chelsea F.C. have followed the lead of Liverpool, by seeking investment from the Middle East.

Whereas Liverpool look close to being bought by Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, the ruler of Dubai, Chelsea have bigger plans and have approached the Chelsea supporting President of Iran, Mahmoud ‘Knobbler’ Ahmadinejad. It is believed that Peter Kenyon, the Chelsea chairman, recently travelled to the region where he was presented with a diamond encrusted set of brass knuckles as a sign of the partnership between Iran and the London team. Meanwhile, a club spokesperson has admitted that ‘Iran has the right sort of image for a club like Chelsea and we look forward to working together in the near future’. It is thought that Sean Wright Phillips, Joe Cole, and Wayne Bridge will be flying to Iran to take part in the President’s soccer academy, nicknamed the ‘enrichment programme’.

Any likely investment in the club will undoubtedly bring many protests, with human rights likely to be cited by Iranians questioning whether they want their nation to be stigmatised by any association with the current Premiership champions. Said a human rights campaigner from Tehran: ‘We ask that Chelsea allow inspectors in to see their nuclear program and we demand a complete ban on their buying any new players in the January transfer window.’

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