Blackpool Protests As Bernie Clifton Launches New Act
It’s seven thirty on a calm morning at the beginning of January. New Year has been quiet here in Blackpool and the few tourists who have come to visit this northern resort in the off-season hardly loiter long before the cold breeze coming in from off the Irish Sea hurries them into the amusement arcades.
Yet the few that do venture out just after sunrise are in for a shock. For out on the stretch of sands, left smooth by the departing tide, a blur on the horizon can be seen and soon adopts shape and colour as the wind picks up the distant patter of feet. Many people would say that Bernie Clifton has reached an age when a man should prefer to play things safe, but this has never been Clifton’s way. Just a month into his new show at Blackpool’s famous pier, the comedy great can be seen every morning on the back of Daphne, his latest ostrich, pet, and stage prop, specially imported from Africa to replace Clifton’s last mount which died last month.
Shunning a safety harness or crash helmet, Clifton has become a regular sight on the famous Golden Mile, clocking speeds approaching sixty miles per hour on the back of the bird. Residents have quipped that they now live on the ‘two minute mile’ but local acceptance of Clifton is not matched by all. ‘Terrible’ and ‘It’s a disgrace’ are two of the more typical responses of onlookers.
Bert and June Gristle have come to Blackpool to see Clifton’s show, but the sight of their favourite light entertainer racing towards them was too much for these animal lovers to take. ‘We always thought he had his legs in a pair of yellow tights,’ explained June. ‘We never realized that it was a real bird.’
What they and many others have failed to realise is that Clifton made his name riding rare yellow ostriches. He is the first to admit that it’s a misunderstanding which has followed him around. ‘People have been laughing at me riding these birds for over twenty years,’ he protests. ‘I don’t see what difference the colour makes.’
But the truth is that the colour does matter. Fewer television appearances mean that he has been forced to using a normal ostrich as a replacement for Osward, his yellow stage ostrich of the last eleven years. It would seem that all illusions have been shattered and animal rights campaigners have been quick to point out that not every ostrich is suited to the harsh climes of a Blackpool winter. Fewer still understand Clifton’s surrealist humour.
‘An ostrich is not a naturally humorous bird,’ explains Dr. Patricia Grayson, from Blackpool Zoo. ‘They are quite dour and prefer documentaries or the subtler wit of Little and Large.’
But Clifton remains unmoved. He will be out again tomorrow morning, racing along Blackpool’s golden sands.
‘This is why I come to Blackpool,’ he says. ‘For me, ostriches and Blackpool go together like America and a Harley Davidson. An ostrich a symbol for freedom and I’ll never give that up.’
January 5th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
[…] Bernie Clifton who is also performing in Blackpool is said to have raised the alarm after seeing the pair fall into the water. Racing along the prom on the back of his ostrich at speeds of nearly seventy miles an hour, he reached the Blackpool coast guard station where the alarm was raised. […]