Cheaper Tesco Toffees
Food giants Tesco today revealed plans to join forces with Everton FC and move into the world of football with their own brand of mid-table finishers. Said Bert Krump, head of new product lines, ‘we wanted to provide a cheaper alternative for those football fans that prefer to enjoy their sport without the usual headaches of cup finals, championships, penalty shootouts, and victory parades. We want to help Everton FC continue to provide this valuable service for many more years to come.’ Going on to explain this new development in highstreet retail, Krump explained: ‘Most of our customers think the whole idea of winning takes too much time out of their daily routine and so, by providing ready-packed disappointment in every Tesco store, they can enjoy their football certain that need never have to buy new flags or scarves just to announce things like their team having become European Champions.’
Everton fans responded angrily to news that turnstyles will now be replaced by express checkouts and season tickets replaced by Tesco clubcards. ‘Gutted,’ said Jake Spinach, an Everton fan of twenty years. ‘On matchday, I queued up for an hour to get in the ground. Then they turned me away because I had more than ten items in my basket.’ A tearful Spinach explained: ‘I just got confused. I didn’t realise a cabbage was classed as an item of grocery. I’m more used to them playing defensive midfield.’
April 26th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
tesco r jeb ends, cyrstal meffin me fly jeffin….jeb eend
May 9th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
you r kopshite arnt ya.
look at our history dickhead.
look how much the team on the day comes to never spent much.
But a £80 million + team like yours culd do nothin on derbyday also your succses in europe is good but you still cant cope with prem properly can ya knob for all ya millions proper knobhead you are lad
May 9th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
There’s nothing like hearing an alternative point of view put so eloquently. It makes all my points for me…
May 15th, 2007 at 11:59 am
Ahh come on boys its only a bit of a laugh! Im a big blue and I thought it was funny. Chin up lads, we’re off to Europe next season!
May 15th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Pauly, good to see a sense of humour in these parts. I’ve had to delete so many obscene messages lately, I’d begun to wonder if the chase for a UEFA Cup place had got you Evertonians down. (Well done, by the way).
May 25th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Haha quite funny 2bh wer in europe next season neway. Just a bit of banter just like us sending the pic of the Liverpool winners parade bus to the papers after they lost!!
May 29th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
kopiteshite i hate you all, funny the way you worry bout everton more than your own team, dont blame us for your uefa failure
July 7th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
very good i’m a season ticket holder for the blues found it amusing almost as amusing as the red shite putting on their website that they’d won the european cup…..sadly they hadn’t enjoy going to the games (although i doubt you go)
July 26th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Just heard on the radio that Rafa has been in touch with Mourinho regarding an exciting swap deal with Chelski. He phoned him to offer Riise, Arbeloa, Finnan, and Hyypia in exchange for Cole. Mourinho told Benitez he,d get two bags dropped off at the Shankly gates.
September 3rd, 2007 at 2:39 am
hahaha awesome, and I’m an evertonian!
pure genious, first time on the site and i love it after one article LOL
September 21st, 2007 at 1:10 pm
hahaha lol pissing my sides lmaughing funniest thing i seen this year maybe we will be able to buy a season ticket with tesco club points hahahah nah everton are a gd side just not ben playing well lately i am a united supporter ftw !!!!!! good luck this season to evertonians and getting into europe
October 5th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
lol another kopite again rippin teams dat are better den them its not der fans fault though dat they have rip into other teams cos its liverpools fault cos der not givin der fans anythin to talk about cos der shit p.s. well done marseille for beating da overated kopite shites
October 13th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
liverpool spend money so we can get into things like european cups and such things just cos everton are a poor club and can just about break the bank for 3 million pound’s. Its ok if ur jealous cos if i supported everton i would be very jealous of liverpool.
i have an idea for u everton fans go on wikipedia search liverpool fc and then search everton fc and see how many cups we have compared to u, i think u will be VERY surprised to see that we are MILES better then u with more history, better players and better managers
so stop moaning about liverpool being ‘red shit’ as u all say and go stick a DVD in ur second hand DVD player about how everton are amazing at getting knocked out of the UEFA cup in the first round…OH WAIT u actually made it this time (JUST) but u wont get past the group stages have fun.
October 21st, 2007 at 9:16 pm
2-1:D i suppose ur guna blame heysel again ?
November 1st, 2007 at 9:42 pm
oh dear mr “everton fans are retarded”. u spend millions for what - european cups or CUP? in the last 5 years uve spent around £100million and still cant win the best of them all (league title). ur one of the “big four” haha thats a joke, it’ll be a good few years when u start challengin properly for the title. just 2 years ago we finished above you after spendin £6.5mil in the summer. sounds like u aint even from liverpool judgin by the “2nd hand dvd players” cos by assuming evertonians have 2nd hand dvd players you’re assumin kopites are aswel. then again….. kopites arent from liverpool either so no worrys. u jus hang in ther an pray for your ticket against portsmouth, then pray for your ticket at blackburn cos u get about 7,000 - then once you got ur blackburn ticket shout ya head off all week then turn up and draw 1-1 - was it worth the £35? sittin with all the norwegians and arabians who dont know the songs?
as for labones bones and blaming heysel? quite frankly all english clubs shouldn’t have been banned from europe just because of a stupid minority of kopites actin the dogs bolex so in the long term yeh its your fault - for those who wish to laugh at this then think again cos you wouldn’t laugh about hilsborough now would u.
November 3rd, 2007 at 2:12 am
LOL ITS CRAZY HOW EVERTON FANS THINK EVERTON ARE BETTER THEN LIVERPOOL.
ANYWAY EDDIE U SAY HOW EVERTON FINSIHED ABOVE LIVERPOOL 2 SEASONS AGO, BUT WOT DID LIVERPOOL WIN THAT SEASON??
THATS RIGHT THE EUROPEAN CUP AND EVERTON WON….WAIT FOR IT…..NOTHING THATS RIGHT NOTHING AND WHEN U DID GET THE REWARD FOR FINISHING ABOVE LIVERPOOL U FUCKED IT UP BY NOT EVEN MANAGING TO QUALIFY
AND WHEN WE SPEND ARE MILLIONS OF POUNDS THAT WE HAVE, SO WE CAN GET GREAT PLAYERS LIKE FERNANDO TORRES AND RYAN BABEL AND SUCH PLAYERS YANNO SO WE CAN WIN THINGS AND GET INTO THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE, IM NOT BEING FUNNY HERE BUT EVERTON SPEND…WOT 20 MILL A SEASON AND LOOK WHERE IT GETS THEM FUCKING 9TH PLACE, REMEBER LIVERPOOL ARE A BIG CLUB (UNLIKE EVERTON) SO WE MUST ALLWAYS SPEND IF WE WANNA GET ANYWHERE.
IN THE PAST 3 YEARS LIVERPOOL HAVE WON THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE AND THE FA CUP WITH ARE BIG SPENDING AS U CALL IT
BUT EVERTON HAVINT WON A CUP IN WOT? 30 YEARS OR MORE?
HAVE FUN ASSHOLE
November 8th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
30 years? no u mong its 17… 8 years if you count the FA Youth cup that we won in ‘99. u havent got a fuckin clue cos ur clearly not from liverpool - u dont go the games and i bet if placed on the spot u cudnt name all the 5 years and places u won ur european cups. ur in no league to me as a fan - for starters im from liverpool an support me local club - u choose to mock evertonians and at the same time mock ya own fans aswel (the whole dvd player thing u chatted about)
if you’re so big why havent u won the title in 17 years, (played stubbsy lad) ?? ya whopper cumin out all guns blazin - ur in no contention wiv man u, arsenal an chelsea. just make sure u get ur heads around that. at least evertonians have their heads screwed on at the right place - we dont think we’re sumfin we’re not. we’re aware we aint won a major trophy for 17 years but do we ring into radio merseyside 5 mins after full time, havin drew 1-1 wiv portsmouth sayin ‘moyes’ should be sacked like all u kopites did to benitez? haha no - ur fans are scum.
keep wastin your millions an millions without achievin the best domestic honour. also… fuck off back to ya farm cos ya fuckin crops need cuttin - UR NOT FROM LIVERPOOL so why support them? or wer u a bully victim an had to move from the city?
i luv the lil “you fucking asshole” at the end of that comment cos any1 from merseyside wouldn’t say that haha
whats with “evertonians are retarded” aswel by the way?
SIR norman wisdom is a blue, SIR paul mccartney is a blue… shear neary, matt dawson an jon parrott all blues aswel - all 3 of which successful sportsmen in their day.. ya spazz sort ya head out - see u at anfield later this season.. o hang on - no i wont cos u wont get a ticket
November 8th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
oh yeah when did we finish 9th after spendin 20million? last time we finished 9th i think we must have spent about 200k that season it was so long ago.
finally…4th most successful club in england means ur a big club - the premier league is biggest and most well known football league in the world. as well as spending the most seasons in this division we have also acquired the more points than any other team. small club? think again
“LOL ITS CRAZY HOW LIVERPOOL FANS THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL”
November 10th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
I’m an Evertonian, and I was laughing my head off at the tesco thing. I don’t mind banter. Liverpoolfc don’t annoy me, I wish them well. What annoys me is Liverpool fans that aren’t from Liverpool who disrespect the city of liverpool. Even worse, Liverpool fans who dislike scousers. THEY DO EXIST. I saw a lad in the south tellng scouse jokes and he had a fkin’ liverpool top on. That didn’t annoy me actually, it just made me laugh. When I pointed it out to him though, he soon shut up. What is annoying is when you see it time and again.
November 10th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
Rob, at last a sensible comment. I agree with you, wholeheartedly. What you miss out is the role of the media. They perpetuate stereotypes when they wouldn’t accept them about any other social group.
November 12th, 2007 at 2:14 am
EDDIE…
FOR A START I LIVED IN LIVERPOOL TILL I WAS ABOUT 13 IM 16 NOW, AND HOW DO U NO I DONT GO LIVERPOOL MATCHES? COS I WOULD LIKE TO NO
JUST FACE IT EVERTON WILL LIVE IN LIVERPOOL’S SHADOW FOR EVER
AND ITS FUNNY HOW U SAY ‘30 YEARS ITS 17 U MONG’ HAHAHA AND U THINK THATS REALLY A BIG DIFFERENCE?
P.S I COULD NAME ALL THE ALL THE PLACES AND AND ALL THE 5 YEARS WE WON THE EUROPEON CUP BUT U WOULD COME BACK AND SAY ‘YE BUT U GOT IT OFF A WEBSITE SO THERE IS NOT EVEN A POINT.
AND BEFORE I GO I WILL LEAVE U WITH A QUICK JOKE…
* (Old) First Division titles: 9[41]
o 1890–91, 1914–15, 1927–28, 1931–32, 1938–39, 1962–63, 1969–70, 1984–85, 1986–87
* FA Cups: 5
o 1906, 1933, 1966, 1984, 1995
* Charity Shields: 9
o 1928, 1932, 1963, 1970, 1984, 1985, 1986 (shared), 1987, 1995
* European Cup Winners’ Cup: 1
o 1985
* (Old) Second Division title: 1
o 1930–31
* FA Youth Cups: 3
o 1965, 1984, 1998
THAT ONE MAKES ME LAUGH EACH TIME I SEE IT
November 12th, 2007 at 2:17 am
oh btw the joke bit thats evertons history just incase u didint no…cos everton fans think its more then that…for some strange reason
November 13th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Take out Gerrards cheating, diving, changing refs decisions and you kopites wouldnt be in top 6. Refs are key to you finishing in top 4. dont take my word for it, watch the vids lads and there is enough evidence to nail it
November 18th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
ur such a true scouser born and bred livin in liverpool til u wer 13 but u assume evertonians have 2nd hand dvd players? uve pretty much summed up what Rob Gart said in his comment haha and my point about 17 years not 30 years is provin jus how little u actually know. nah u cudnt name the 5 years and yes u did get it all off a website.
an lmfao “everton will live in liverpools shadow forever” ? get a grip ya sad act - we won the league on ur current ground before u even existed - that’s not livin in ANYONES shadow.
uve got no leg to stand on ere an u blatently dont go the games… how do i know? because u support liverpool.
as for our history - it isnt just trophies - its bein founder members of the football league, holdin records that wont be beaten such as dixie dean an voer 100 years of top flight footy…. acquiring more points than any other football club… EVER! take a bit of time out to read in to our history a bit more before u go sayin we havent got any or that it is small. an then go bak to ur farm again cos ur money’s runnin out in the internet cafe…
evertonians blatently not retarded.
LIVERPOOL FC - EVERTON’S BASTARD CHILD
November 18th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
it would do ur fans reputation a lot of good if u stopped comin here, diggin bigger holes for urself an makin ur lot look stupid. by “ur lot” i mean the people hu call themselves liverpool fans (the ones who wear the 1989 replica shirts an stil think its current, the ones who travel on the plane two days before kick off to get to there in time, the ones hu think steven gerrard is the best player to ever have graced the sport, the ones who chose to support liverpool in may 2005 and the ones hu think nothing ever goes there way)
November 27th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Mr 16 year old go home and do your home work cos you are not making sence. All you can do to finish a debate is swear. Why, because you have nothing more interesting to say.
Is’nt it your bed time anyway. The midnight garden finished ages ago!
November 30th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
eveton fans are so bitter cos we beat them 2-1
December 14th, 2007 at 8:30 am
omg u nugget. we all know u dont go the games cos u didnt say u did. OTHERS DID THE CRIME
WE DID THE TIME
thats why we’re bitter u stupid twat…
anyway if u want real bitterness - how about the red shite fans who coverd the dixie dean statue in red paint wen it was opened. ya fuckin mong ur stupid uve been ripped apart by an evertonian whos supposedly supported club is small and got no history - how does that make u feel? you look fuckin stupid. all of ur lot are just the same “5 times… bigger history blah blah” we’re all bored of that now.
we’re the real club on merseyside.
THE BIRD WAS BLUE FIRST.
oh an just for the record - you’re prized anthem ‘you’l never walk alone’ (thats the song u sing wen ur team walks out but u wudnt know cos uve never been to anfield) well that song was sung by Man utd fans first after munich disaster.
a teenage opera singer sung it at sum opera society in derbyshire asa tribute to the busby babes etc an it caught on for a few months.
liverpool fc - 2nd hand football grounds
2nd hand songs
December 14th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
ye but everton are shit so, 2-1 and wheres ya europeon cup? oh and how many leagues have everton won again?, oh and how many fa cups?, oh and where are everton in the league? 6th? amazing simpley amazing
December 23rd, 2007 at 9:32 pm
ive never even bin on this but yu r a dickhed ‘everton fans are retarted’ … i cant believe you say better managers n players … the only thing the ‘liverpudins’ ave to there name is MONEY. you cant buy a peoples club can you? no … i dint fink so .. n if you watched the derby you would of clearly saw that liverpool n specially jamie carragher are cheatin twats, n always will be. so dont go on about youre ‘history’ , wen you cant even back it up apart from the ‘5 times wooo’ . WHY DONT LIVERPOOL JUS FUCK THEMSELVES !!
December 23rd, 2007 at 9:34 pm
N I DONT NO WHO EDDIE IS BUT I REALLY LIKE HIM
December 24th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
hahaha gimps sooooo fuckin bitter its untrue!!
have fun in the uefa cup
December 28th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
everton fans are retarded you muppet - Let’s take a quick look at that statement one sec… Ian Rush, Robbie Folwer, Steven Deadhard, Jamie Carrager (I could go on but can’t be arsed) - All Everton Supporters, all worshiped by the flocking thousands of ‘redshite’. That would make you retard worshiper, you window licker… But then again they would support Everton because all but Rush came from Liverpool (the city).
Where not bitter, we are just laughing at you.
December 28th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
If you know your history…Oh by the way (EFAR), Liverpool are a good cupside but one man can’t win you the league (5 years to Steven Deadhard retires, what will you do then).
hahaha - Derby 1 - 2 Liverpool (one man gets you out of the sh!t again - 5 years to go)…
December 30th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
hhmmm maybe gerrard gets us out of shit cos he is the captain? yanno a leader, as in inspiration for the team???? ever think of that?
unlike everton who have man united reject phil neville as there captain, who isint a leader in anyway shape or form
oh and when gerrard retires, i wonder wot liverpool fans where thinking when ian rush was retiring orrrr kenny dalglish, where they thinking ‘ oh no liverpool are gunna be shite now for the next 10 years’, didint think so
gerrard will be replaced when he retires and its not like he is gunna retire anytime soon.
and if liverpool are a cupside then WHAT THE FUCK ARE EVERTON!!
January 15th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Haha - i think you have clearly stated who the retard is, YOU!
Gerrard is the captain, inspiration for the team or reality check - he’s your only decent player and the rest are average at best (don’t forget Gerrard was a blue)…
How do you know what Phil brings to the club…Errm maybe experiance at being with a title winning team. How’s your captains experiance at winning the title? Oh ye your just a cupside you agreeded with me, muppet…
And when your one man team captain retires you will replace him??? Well lets look at one of your examples shall we “Ian Rush”? Wasn’t robbie folwer already playing with Rushie, didn’t hear the rumours of the kid in reserves (well you wouldn’t as your about ten) named Owen, who scored for fun… Your replacments where in place already, i don’t hear of anyone like Steven Deadhard coming through the ranks?
What are Everton - we are the fourth most succesful English team, founding members of the Football League, we have more wins recorded in the English league history, more goals and the player to score the most goals in one season. We have won something in every decade since the start of the league. But this isn’t about the clubs it’s about the supporters. We know we are not going to win everything and are greatful for the good job Moyes is doing, your lot expect to win and can’t understand why you don’t, this was your title winning season, like the last and the one before that. No doubt next year will be the one. No we are not Retards, but if your honest with yourself for once in your life, don’t you feel a little retarded? I bet you do…
January 16th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Haha well said One Man Cup Team … Fully agree with you there mate
January 19th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Listen lad’s everton are shite ok, no offence like but they are, and i dont give a shit if there the fourth most succesfull english club cos guess what….LIVERPOOL ARE THE FIRST!!
ahahah wankers!!!
p.s dont make bullshit up to defend a little club like everton, oh yeh and what about fernando torres? isint he any good? and gerrard will retire in about 4-5 years so why are you saying this now, what a tosser you make yourself out to be
sort it out.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:27 am
oh btw when did ‘everton fans are retarded’ agree that liverpool are a cupside?? he said IF, so no YOUR the muppet.
oh and the bit about gerrard is the only decent player? what about Torres,mascherano,babel, agger, xabi alonso, carragher and even crouch and benayoun are they not any good no???
You truly no nothing about footy mate so just never post here again
…wanker.
March 31st, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Hey i went the liverpool match and guess what, everton lost 1-0, oh wait thats no surprise cos everton are shite, TORRES TORRES TORRES!
April 18th, 2008 at 8:43 am
FUCK OFF THAT SHIRT
STILL LOOKS BETTER THAN ALL THAT SHIT LIVERPOOL WEAR
LITTLE CLUB???
DONT THINK SO
BIGGER THAN ANY SHITE THAT COMES OUT OF ANALFIELD
U SAY YOUR IN THE
TOP 4
HALF THE SEASON EVERTON WERE IN IT
AN THEN BATTLED YOU LOT UNTIL YESTERDAY
SO SHUT UP AN FUCK OF BACK TO IRELAND
WANKERS
PHIL NEVILLE
SUPERSTAR
HES GOT MORE MEDALS THAN STEVE GERRARD
GO FUCK YOURSELVES