The Home Secretary has said that he will make a public apology to the House of Commons on Tuesday after his department failed to achieve its quota of serious ministerial blunders for last week.

‘I can confirm that very little went wrong on Saturday,’ said Dr. Reid. ‘For this, I am truly sorry but I can assure the British public that we’re working as hard as we can to make a mess of something extremely important in the very near future.’

Under new rules laid down by the government, the Home Office is mandated to accomplish at least one serious cock up every day. Government lawyers are currently examining whether the Home Office’s failure to achieve its so called ‘cock up quota’ might itself be considered a cock up.

‘The issue takes us into areas of the law and the philosophy of language,’ explained Dominic Harvey Tuttle, the minister in charge of the Department of Cock Ups, Mistakes, and Blunders. ‘Even should it prove that we have messed up, the Home Secretary will still be making an apology, which will itself then be classified as another cock up and we will be able to add to this week’s tally.’

‘Whatever the outcome of this inquiry, we think that Saturday’s unusual level of competence was an anomaly,’ said Dr. Reid. ‘But in the short term, there will be a minor backlog of cock ups that need to be finished before start to make some wonderfully monumental cock ups later this week.’

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