1. I was involved in a high speed crash in my jet powered dragster.
2. Nobody can understand a word I say.
3. I’m being persecuted by the Welsh Office.
4. Jack Bauer of CTU won’t take my calls.
5. I can’t be expected to keep track of all these bloody Sassenachs.
6. My copy of Windows Vista keeps crashing.
7. I don’t know the difference between ‘immigration’ and ‘emigration’.
8. All the important Home Office documents are still written in braille.
9. I ate some radioactive sushi.
10. It’s all Count Michael Von Howard’s fault.
11. These Arab terrorists all look the bloody same!
12. I’ve been busy preparing to become the next manager of Chelsea.
13. My brain is not fit for purpose.
14. I’ve been busy leaking information to Yates of the Yard.
15. My porpoise swam up the Thames and got sick.
16. I’ve been too busy reading the blogs.
17. This job’s too big for a single sexy Scotsman.
18. I’ve been reading David Blunkett’s diary.
19. Look at me. Do I look bovvered?
20. I’m trying to get transferred to the Department of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
21. I’m going as fast as I can but I’m only a two fingered typist.
22. Criminals keep threatening my police force with violence.
23. It’s beyond my pay scale.
24. I’ve been starting my own blog and it has visitors and comments and everything…
25. I’m not that kind of doctor.
26. People keep saying bad things about me.
27. I was playing croquette with John.
28. My guide dog ate all the files.
29. They all speak kinda funny… Like foreign languages?
30. It’s not my fault if prisoners refuse to sleep three to a bed.
31. I’ve got an irritable bowel. An irritable elbow. An irritable spleen. An irritable…
32. I’ve been in hospital having a responsibility bypass.
33. I couldn’t stop giggling when I saw the register had the word ’sex’ on it.
34. I’m still waiting for the knighthood I paid cash for.
35. I’m an oppressed minority of one: bald Home Secretary.
36. I accidentally reclassified myself as a dangerous dog.
37. I’ve been distracting attention from the Deputy Prime Minister.
38. The liberal media forget to say what I told them to say.
39. Prime Minister Gordon Brown told me to do it.
40. My visa application has been refused..
41. I’ve been busy listening for racist comments on Big Brother.
42. As soon as Scotland gains independence, I’m out of here!
43. We’re lulling all criminals into a false sense of security.
44. Have you seen how some of these foreigners spell their names?
45. I’ve been hiding the truth: I’m actually the blind one with a huge sex drive.
46. Is it any wonder my department fails when my secretaries won’t let me fondle them?
47. I’m about to start asset stripping the Prisons Service.
48. I’ve been preparing my diaries for publication.
49. Those nasty judges keep convicting people!
50. Blogger has been down.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 28th, 2007 at 7:39 pm and is filed under News . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.