As nuclear power continues to dominate the headlines, Tony Blair took an opportunity on Wednesday to remind the country of the much maligned oil industry. In a speech to the bosses of BP, ICI, and Ambre Solaire, he revealed the government’s long term plans for the petrochemical industry. The ten year scheme aims to turn the UK into the world’s leading supplier of body oil, tanning lotion, and luxury balms, whilst investment into Further Education courses in ‘Health & Beauty’ will see the UK eclipse Sweden as the source of the world’s masseurs.

‘Look,’ the Prime Minister said, gesticulating like a 1980s electro-synth-body-popping pioneer, ‘I mean… hey guys… you know… we all need… you know… love… and oil… and all that..’ He went on to praise the state of the industry, concluding his speech with the encouraging words: ‘Come on, guys… love my tan!’

With the revenue from North Sea oil due to run out in the next twenty years, Blair hopes that a move to the production of body oils will provide the UK economy with the boost it needs. It has been calculated that an area the size of Dorset with be completely covered in fake tan by the year 2012 and some areas of Essex will be officially reclassified as being ‘mediterranean orange’.

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