Shilpa Shetty had declared herself happy that neither Swiss muesli nor pepper mills are racist. The announcement, to be aired on Channel 4 later this week, marks the latest update from the Bollywood star who become the nation’s conscience after becoming headline news when she was subjected to bullying by Jade Goody in the Big Brother house.

Since then, Shilpa has been at great pains to deny that the trouble was motivated by any form of racism and has now began adding things to her list. Last week, cheese wheels, mutton, and Yorkshire terriers were all deemed non-racist, though some have been alarmed that Shilpa refuses to endorse the East Devon countryside and eyebrows.

‘Whatever Shilpa says, goes,’ said Reg Spanner, one of Fleet Street’s leading editors whose hoping to get other newspapers to join his campaign against eyebrows. ‘They say are often the medium through which the messages of deeply institutionalised racism are conveyed,’ he explained. ‘We want to educate out readers about this menace. Think about it: Gary Glitter, Adolph Hitler… Men with eyebrows!’

‘It’s about time somebody pointed out that you can’t simply cock eyebrow and get away with it,’ agreed Davina McCall, who is backing the campaign. ‘On Monday, I ask that everybody in the nation pluck out their eyebrows and show Shilpa that she’s in our hearts.’

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