Prince Charles has attacked the fast food culture, claiming that the best diet is one free of hamburgers. Instead he has suggested that children should look to his organically produced food such as his Duchy Originals.

‘There’s so much nutritional goodness to be found in a handful of organically produced pig dung,’ explained the Prince. ‘It makes me weep to think that schools are still not serving it to the nation’s children so they can get a taste for it.’ The Prince also encouraged people to try more traditional fare of the countryside such as ox tongue, rabbit ears, and cold sheep’s bladder. ‘You can’t beat a bit of cold sheep’s bladder,’ agreed Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall. ‘I love it sprinkled with a goat’s beard.’

Cold sheep’s bladder is a traditional dish with a misleading name as it’s actually served hot. However, Prince Charles was quick to point out that organic food covers a wide range of tastes. ‘If we could just stop people eating these terrible hamburgers, they might start to have an appetite for proper food, such as trotters, snouts, and baby owls,’ he said.

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