On the day that he announced he will not be seeking re-election, President Jacques Chirac has confirmed that he and his elder twin brother Maurice will represent France at this year’s Eurovision contest.

Last week, the President’s sibling let slip the news that ‘The Two Chiracs’ had agreed to resume the musical career which ended 45 years ago when Jacques, the younger by three minutes, decided to abandon his love of the harmonica to run for government. Since then Maurice has made a successful career as a musician and as inventor of the French accordion, which is famous for being the only instrument played by the wearer shrugging in a vaguely indifferent manner.

‘It’s just a matter of getting some time in the studio to sort out the musical arrangement to one of the lyrics Jacques has been writing during his time in office,’ said Maurice. ‘He has a few songs ready but I think the one he wrote during long negotiations with the Germans suits the contest the best.’ That single, ‘You Vote For Me Neighbour, We’ll Vote For You, Let’s Stuff The United Kingdom Together!’ will be released next month and is expected to be a big hit in most Eurovision nations. The Chiracs will then begin a world tour which will avoid all armed conflicts, war zones and hot spots.

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