Andrew Lloyd Webber Admits Blame For Connie Fisher’s Throat Injury
Andrew Lloyd Webber has finally admitted that he’s to blame for Connie Fisher’s throat injury.
‘I confess, it was all my fault,’ said the multi-millionaire showman, composer, and vampire, as he hung from the rafters in his Hampshire home and castle. ‘But can I be blamed when Connie has such a lovely drop of AB+ running through her veins. It really is quite rare, you know?’
Speaking to Hello Magazine, Baron Lloyd-Webber of Sydmonton has for the first time revealed the secrets behind the dark arts that have held London’s theatreland in thrall for so long. ‘Much of my inspiration comes late at night, darlings,’ he said. ‘I came up with the theme of The Phantom of the Opera after I had a drop of Tim’s AB−, which is the rarest of the lot. They say Cole Porter would touch nothing less. Jesus Christ Superstar was an B- and By Jeeves was a plain old O+ and wasn’t very good at all. Mike Reid drinks nothing but that which explains a lot if you ask me.’
The interview is sure to bring attention to a widely ignored side to the West End. So rampant has become the spread of vampirism through musical theatre that audiences have recently been issued with garlic and stakes at the doors to some of the biggest shows.
‘There will come a time when all music is written by vampires,’ promised the Baron. ‘And then the whole world will be an elevator playing our kind of middle-of-the-road light classical soft pop.’
