BREAKING NEWS: Orlando Bloom Achieves Second Level of Englightenment

UPDATE: In only the third week of his meditative state, Orlando Bloom has managed to levitate a goat. Fans who had flocked to the small village in Northern India watched the star focus his mental powers to raise the animal fifteen feet into the air before returning it safely to the ground. Bloom is said to have been pleased by the result and hopes to levitate a zebu in the coming weeks.’I've always said that he does all his own stunts and this proves it,’ said Prissy Sputnik, from the Ohio branch of the Orlando Bloom Fan Club. ‘I’ve not seen him do anything as amazing as this since Return of the King when he single-handedly killed an oliphaunt at the Battle of the Pelennor Fields.’

5 Responses to “BREAKING NEWS: Orlando Bloom Achieves Second Level of Englightenment”

  1. slap Says:

    ha ha ha ha, another brilliant post - keep us updated - you’re making my monday less grim!

    (watch out though, i think there are some very irate fans out there - i seem to have got myself into hotwater with a couple of them on your previous offering!)

    X

  2. David Says:

    Slap, I’m so glad you like these. Of course, knowing that there are irate fans out there are precisely why I did a second…

    Now, do you know if there’s any plans to make a Kingdom of Heaven 2? It could easily become one of my all time favourite films. ;o)

  3. slap Says:

    now that REALLY would be special……. or perhaps Elizabethtown 2 ?? the first one was so unbelievable absorbing ;-) (tee hee hee) i think i may actually have to commit suicide if i had to sit through a second one…

    I think you should consider a third post……. someone needs to spread the word!

    Now, do you think ONCE Orlando truly reaches a state of enlightenment, he’ll suddenly be able to act??

    slap x

  4. David Says:

    Oh now Slap, you said that not me. He’s a great actor. He really is…

    Now, could I ask those people who’ve been parked across the road for the last week to perhaps leave me alone?

  5. slap Says:

    I know, I know …. I too am a secret fan of Orlando’s sensational acting skills (?!?!?!?)

    Just playing devils advocate……….. (there are a group of angry women sitting outside my office and i’m hoping they’ll leave if i carry on professing my undying admiration for his acting ability?)

    lets hope he reaches the fourth stage of enlightenment soon - he may be able to levitate an entire village by then…. now THAT would be impressive!

    slap x

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