Scientists are now certain that global warming is a phenomenon which is totally Little Green Man made, and that the melting of the Martian ice caps is a result of too much industry.

‘The truth is that there are simply too many death ray machines being built on Mars today,’ said leading climate expert Francis Fnarr Fnarr Wilson. ‘When people learn to be carbon-lifeform killing neutral, they might start to take more responsibility for destroying our wonderful red planet. We Martians need to change our habits. People should really ask themselves if they really need to make that journey to anally probe cows on Earth and, if they do, see if they can’t share their mothership.’

The increase in oxygen in the climate has given rise to concerns that the naturally arid Martian climate might change to something more hospitable. ‘In a hundred years, the deserts might turn into water rich forests,’ warned Wilson. ‘We are slowly killing our planet.’

Next week’s Live Mars concert hopes to raise awareness of the climate crisis, and will feature Snotglurb 5, The Extremophiles, and the crazily named Paul David Hewson.