Chelsea were left with further injury worries ahead of their Champion’s League semi-final against Liverpool, tonight, after manager José Mourinho dislocated his jaw during this morning’s pre-match press conference. The self-appointed ‘Special One’ was quickly attended to by club medical staff who managed to reset his jaw before it could make any rash accusations on its own volition.

Said a spokesman: ‘José suffered a slight problem as he tried to explain the links between Chelsea’s poor European record, President Kennedy’s assassination, and the role of the Illuminati in the career of Stone Cold Steve Austin. We hope he’ll be fit for Sunday when he’s due to make his weekly rant against match officials.’

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