Concerns Increase as Prescott Shrinks
Our office has been inundated with e-mails from readers troubled by the news we carried yesterday in which we reported on the unfortunate melting of the Deputy Prime Minister during a Labour Party meeting in London. Given the severity of Mr. Prescott’s condition and the continuing heatwave, we thought it only right to follow up the story by checking on the Deputy P.M’s condition. Today we have been contacted by a well-placed government source who informs us that the situation is much worse than anyone has yet reported. Rumours had been rife in the Palace of Westminster, but The Spine can now confirm that Mr. Prescott’s condition has worsened. The beloved MP of Hull East has shrunk in the night.
Mr. Prescott went to bed boasting his usual five magnificent feet and four equally noble inches, only to wake to find himself shortened to half that length. The Deputy Prime Minister is now officially a midget.
It’s not known what has caused this sudden decrease in the DPM’s size, but paradoxically, the condition seems to have boosted his previously ailing career. Opposition calls for his resignation are no longer as significant as they were only yesterday, when the Tories were still questioning if Mr. Prescott did enough to justify his huge salary. This morning, Downing Street hopes to silence Mr. Prescott’s critics by expanding his ministerial duties. He is to be made ‘Minister for Little People’ with additional responsibilities involving dwarves, pixies, imps, fairies, and any person less than four feet five inches in height, with the exception of Ronnie Corbett whose affairs are to be handled by the Scottish Parliament.
Although his new ‘mini’-sterial duties are yet to confirmed by Downing Street, Mr. Prescott has already appeared on the same stage as Gordon Brown, acting as the Chancellor’s podium. Similarly, the Prime Minister has declared his intention to stand by Mr. Prescott. In fact, he intends to stand by him in his next press conference where he hopes to use his diminutive deputy as a convenient place to rest his now ubiquitous man-of-the-people mug of tea.
Developing…
