It is this year’s surprise hit among computer consoles, but already the casualties from the Nintendo Wii are mounting. At a London party ahead of the console’s European launch next week, Paris Hilton ignored advice warning her to wear the controller’s wrist-strap. While playing the ten pin bowling game, the Wii remote becoming embedded four inches into Paris’ head, leaving her to make a 7-10 split. She laughed off the injury and partied for an additional four hours before worried minders rushed her to the local Accident and Emergency.

‘Paris is fine,’ her agent later said. ‘She’s suffered a very mild four inch cavity in the side of her head but doctors think she’ll be able to hide it through good styling.’ A spokesperson for Nintendo deny that the console is dangerous but was quick to highlight the build quality of the Wii remote. ‘We’ve tested it by dropping it onto concrete,’ they said, ‘but this has to be the best indication that the Wii is built to last.’

The former leader of the Tory Party recently met his successor to discuss the progress the party have made towards establishing itself as an alternative to the Labour government. In this touching exchange, we are priviledged to witness the decision making process at its most intimate as an old-hand in the political underworld passes on his advice to the man tasked with making the family party ‘legit’ within three years. (Hat tip to The Injured Cyclist for suggesting we should listen in to this conversation)

DON HOWARD

Brown will move against you first. He’ll set up a meeting with someone that you absolutely trust, guaranteeing your safety. And at that meeting, your character will be assassinated. (DON drinks from glass of wine) I like to drink wine more than I used to… Anyway, I’m drinking more than Charles Kennedy these days…

DAVID

It’s good for you, Pop. You’re just like a journalist.
(more…)