Why an FAQ?

It has become a necessity because I’m too embarrassed to respond to any more emails asking me for details about my report on the Patagonian goat-chicken that severely mauled George W. Bush.

So, what is The Spine?

The Spine is the only website that carries the truth about the Patagonian goat-chicken that severely mauled George W. Bush.

And that truth is: it’s all a work of fiction.

So none of this is true?

Not a jot of it. Facts would only ruin the fun. Then again, sometimes The Spine can be closer to reality than you might think. I have two words for you: Lembit Opik.

Did Natasha Kaplinsky really wear a walrus hat?

No she did not. And, please, no more emails asking where you can buy one.

How many different sub-titles are there?

The subtitle appears beneath The Spine logo. There are over 200 different lines and a random one loads each time you view a page. None of them should be taken as a real indication of what the website is about, so please don’t list The Spine as ‘Voted the best website by Swedish hobos’. It’s just not true. I’m only guessing, but I think they’d prefer something in Swedish.

And who are you?

I’m me. David Buckingham.

And what do you do for a living?

A living? Have you ever tried to find work in the North West of England that doesn’t involve telesales, accounts managing, or sitting next to a woman called Doris who believes in Karmic reincarnation and wants to touch your knee to feel the cosmic vibrations?

Does this site have a political agenda?

It has an agenda but not a political one. Politicians of all sides are likely to take themselves too seriously. This alone should make us very suspicious of them.

I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you’re just not funny.

Can you rephrase that as a question?

Do you really think any of this is funny?

Of course, I have considered the possibility that I miss the mark some (if not all) of the time, but I live by Woody Allen’s dictum: if it makes me laugh, then it’s probably funny. Or at least, I’m damn sure that there’s at least one person on this planet for whom it raises a smile.

Besides, I’m not trying to bore you with stories about my day. I’m simply trying to make you smile and make your day seem brighter.

Do you have any other blogs?

Yes. I also write one here, but I update it very irregularly. I’ve still to be convinced that people really want to hear about my daily adventures doing the shopping.

I like what you’re doing, but I don’t want to make a blog of my own. Can I contribute to The Spine?

Of course. Email me. Credit will always be given where it’s due.

Will you link to my blog?

Of course. Email me.

Do you have many pet hates?

Lots but mainly dentists. I believe they exist only to take us for as much money as they can.

I’m a 112 year-old widow. Please advise me: should I leave my fortune to a cat foundation or to The Spine?

Let me think about that one for a while…